So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
