omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
