I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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