My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it fun? or sober?
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