I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
