Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize