i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
