It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize