Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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