Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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