Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Are my feet made of real feet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
