Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
