it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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