Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
