apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize