Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
