Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
