i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In America we eat man semen.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
