She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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