I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
