And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
