Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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