thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
