I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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