There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
party gras won. party gras always wins.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
