Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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