im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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