The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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