By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This toilet bowl is my home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
