Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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