Don't make out with my wife yet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
