My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
