there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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