he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
