So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
