I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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