I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize