I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
