...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
