oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
