The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
