oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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