Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
