Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
