this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
