It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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