I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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