I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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