My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
