You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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