you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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