...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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