You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Two words: nipple clamps
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