Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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