Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
