none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
