No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
