you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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