I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
