she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
