Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
